It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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