It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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