Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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