She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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