the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
