is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
