She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
