You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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