Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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