You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
