The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
