Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
