I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
