i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
