Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
