when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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