it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize