You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
