I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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