If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
