all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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