i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
