dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
COCAINE IS GR8
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
