stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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