That's intense
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
