This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
