Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
