I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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