Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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