we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
