i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
