I cut my penus on the lid.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
