dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
