This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize