Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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