i barfeds in our rink
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
