I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
