don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
