I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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