i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
