im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
