If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
