We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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