Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
BRING THE BAGELS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
