I love black thongs
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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