mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
