i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
