I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
