i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
