I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Will exercising make me less horny?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
