"it" just moved
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
