At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This is the high leading the old right now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize