at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
