Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I want is dick and wine.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
