Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
