I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize