You really coming over, don't trick.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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