I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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