People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
