I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i think my cat just said my name.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
