u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
