I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
