I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
In America we eat man semen.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
