I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize