I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
