I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize