She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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