What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you would pick up someone in the library
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
