If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
