This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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