I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
