Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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