Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
