Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
