WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
