I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
