i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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