"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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