you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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