Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
