I want to make a zoo with you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
