I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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