I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
