Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
