i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
