I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
