those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
