Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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