i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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