I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
