you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
