I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize