she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
