I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
