So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
