you guys were way drunker than both of me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
