4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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