hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
