I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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