you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
