did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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