they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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