Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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