Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
