I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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