When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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