So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
