Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
