Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
