i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I checked into jail on foursquare
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
