If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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