I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You took a bar mat shot.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
