So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
splinters make it hard to masturbate
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
