He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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