Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize