im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
